His ways are not our ways, trust Him

Before I get to the rest of the story let me just say one thing... I am so ready to be caught up with my back stories because I have so many current things I want to blog about and it's killing me. ok. done.

SOOOO....Tristan and I went back to see Dr. Reue in February to see how my dear ovaries were doing. They did a sonogram and everything looked great. The fallopian tubes were straight and intact, and the ovaries looked very well healed already AND one of my ovaries had just ovulated a few days before! Dr. Reue seemed very pleased and so were we. He told us if we wanted to we could start trying again to get pregnant(I say again because we had started trying in October and things got postponed...for obvious reasons). He made sure to tell us the odds against us; Melissa you are almost 30 and fertility decreases, it takes the average couple at the very least 6 months to get pregnant, you just had surgery...etc.

We were very aware that it could take a long time and we were ok with that because we were both so grateful that it was even a possibility to still have children of our own. We left excited but with low expectations, just to be careful.

Well March 23rd rolled around and it was 3 days before I was suppose to start my period. I was feeling, "different" than I usually do at that time. Mostly I wasn't bloated, I hadn't broken out and I thought that was strange. I totally could have waited a few more days to take test but I just had this feeling. It was evening and Tristan, Heather and I were in the kitchen working on a sushi dinner I believe. Paul and Heidi were in town too but I think they were out running errands maybe? Anyway , I told Tris and Heather that I had to go to the bathroom. I would have brought Tristan with me but I didn't want to look suspicious.

I think I was pretty nervous. I had taken a lot of tests since we had been married but this was the first time I was actually nervous. It seemed like forever until anything showed up on the stick and even then I wasn't sure if what the stick said was true. A plus sign came up and my heart started racing, I grabbed the box out of the trash to make sure I was reading this right. I was in shock and just couldn't believe it I guess. Yeah, I had read it right. I was in shock and kind of just sat there for a moment dumbfounded with my heart racing and my mind going crazy. Was this really happening???


Yesterday, as Tristan and I were driving around town I was thinking about how I often have low expectations or try to have none at all with many things.....just to be SAFE. To guard my heart(which we are suppose to do). You know, it seems like the right thing to do. But I kept wondering what my Abba Father thought of that perspective I take. My Jehovah Jireh, God who provides. And I just kept hearing Him say "your ways are not My ways, trust Me."

Maybe the way I am about expectations makes me not trust Him? Maybe it makes me forget that His ways are not my ways? Maybe instead of trying to be a practical safe person who doesn't get her hopes dashed I should be a person who when faced with situations, events, and people issues that I could carry my heart away , I say, "Your ways are not my ways, I will trust You."

Growing up(mostly when I was a teen and starting to like boys) my mom always reminded me of Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else guard your heart for it is the well spring of life." I think in my fallen humanity I have applied the verse the wrong way all these years. I tried to be careful, to not get my hopes up, to not let my mind get away with me. To be careful with my expectations. All good things I guess. But isn't the best keeper of our heart the Lord? Maybe all this time I should have been giving my Jesus my heart, letting Him help me guard it. Remembering and living out that His ways are not my ways, and I just need to trust Him.

The oranges (beware of nasty pictures of my ovaries below)

When we first moved to Austin(we were both officially living her by August 2010) I figured it was a good idea to find an OBGYN and go in for my yearly routine exam. As I started to make friends with other Seton/AISD school nurses and asked around and the two people I asked both highly reccomended Dr. Reue. He was on my insurance plan with Seton, his office was just down the street, and I heard he was one of the best OBGYN's in Austin, so I set up an appointment to see him in mid November.

I instantly felt comfortable with Dr. Reue and could tell he was a great Doctor. While he was doing my exam, I could tell that he all the sudden noticed something. He calmly told me he felt something on my ovaries and wanted to bring in a sonogram machine. I was a little alarmed, but I know cysts are very common on the ovaries so I wasn't too concerned, mostly just curious. He examined the ovaries and told me I had some large tumors on my ovaries and that I needed to set up an appointment to see the sono tech, and get a more detailed sono of my ovaries. He said he was unsure what type of tumor it was but that it was possible the growths were from endometriosis or they were possibly dermoid tumors. And he said most likely I would need surgery. He might have told me more at this appointment, but I don't remember. I set up an appointment for the beginning of the next week to come back and get a more detailed sonogram.

I don't remember being too upset or disturbed even though I knew this could probably have big effects on our future of starting a family. I just remember feeling at peace, not being worried, and knowing that whatever happened the Lord was going to take care of us. I consider my reaction a miracle, and totally a gift of God's Spirit. I remember even thinking it was unusual that I (the girl that's wanted to be a mom since my own birth) was so at peace. I just wasn't afraid. Maybe it was because I was mothering 30-60 kids a day in my office? Or maybe I was just in shock? Or maybe my God is just that big and that good? :)

I went in the next week had my sono and was setting up an appointment for laproscopic surgery in two weeks by the end of the appointment. He said the tumors were the size of large oranges and he thought they were most likely benign dermoids (just google it!), but that he didn't think there was any endometriosis (which was a HUGE relief!). He also was very clear that he wouldn't know for sure until he went in there and looked. His main concern was that the tumors where so large and heavy that they were causing the fallopian tubes to twist and that the circulation could be cut off from the ovaries. He seemed pretty confidant that the surgery would go well and that the ovaries could be saved. But, he never said anything about having children.

I went in for outpatient surgery on December 1st(a Wednesday) and was back at work by Monday. The whole experience was a breeze and I was so pleased. It was my first experience as a patient in a hospital. Everyone treated me great, and the anesthesiologist put in my IV so I didn't feel a thing. My mom came up to be with us which made recovery a blast. We just watched Jane Austen esque movies on netflix and I slept. I barley had any pain and was just tired and a bit uncomfortable and sore. Below is a picture of my ovaries. They are the ginormous white balls. You can also see how twisted the fallopian tubes were.

Dr. Reue was pleased with how the surgery went and he said there was plenty of healthy ovarian tissue left! Tristan and I felt like this man was an angel....and he was for sure our new hero!!! We were so blessed that my insurance covered everything, but even if it hadn't we would have paid the man anything! It's easy to get frustrated with how expensive Dr's can be but Tristan and I we were both clearly reminded what a blessing it is that God has given us such talented men and women who do such amazing things!!!

God's timing in this was incredible because if I would have waited any longer to go see the OBGYN I could have lost my ovaries completely. It's just amazing.

I went in 2 weeks after the surgery so Dr. Reue could check on me and at that time he set up an appointment for us to come see him on February 17th to get a sono of the ovaries to see how they were healing! It was December 14th and I thought February couldn't come fast enough.

Austin High

WARNING: this post is long and doesn't have any desirable media....just words. Hang in there, only a few more posts and I will be caught up and it won't be so bad!

The past year I worked at Austin High School. It's a school of about 2300+ students on Lady Bird Lake. It is an amazing school with unique first class programs, exceptional staff and teachers, and a diverse student population. I had a very stressful first year there(especially the first semester), but most of it was stress I put on myself. I kept thinking about how big the school was, how anything could happen, and that when something went wrong medically for someone I was the one everyone looked too. The Lord sustained me through every situation...of course....but most of the year I couldn't shake my fears. Austin ISD Health Staff is technically hired out to AISD from Seton Hospitals, which means we have to run our health rooms like hospitals. Which ends up including LOTS more paperwork and other extra stuff. This also made me nervous as I often wondered what management was thinking of the work I was doing since they can and do audit EVERYTHING!! So all that was more stress I piled on myself. I learned a lot about myself this year and a lot about how I just don't really know how to trust the Lord well. As I am sure you can tell from my writings before, I often live in fear. And, it's an awful place to live.

BUTTTT....don't stop reading now. I am about to get to the amazing parts about my year at Austin High.

What made my year were the students who I affectionately call my "kids." I love so many of them and wish they could all come home with me. I learned I LOVE working with high school students in public school and being the nurse put me in the perfect position to be there for students in need. I got to be a friend, parent, and confidant everyday to all kinds of kids from every walk of life and it changed me and blessed me more than I could ever express in words. They each helped me make it through this year(YES, that means YOU Pinky!!!), but they didn't just help me make it, they made it a rich year. If I could just sit in that office and just "be there" for the students without all the paperwork, legal stuff, and medical responsibility...I think I might do it forever. I remember how nervous I was about working with high school students, I was afraid they would eat me alive and think I was totally not cool. But, I quickly learned that if you listen well, take interest in them, and just show them true love, boundaries, and consistency, that's all it takes. They are yearning and dying for those things. And those are things, I could do. Now if only raising my own teenagers could be that easy some day!! HA! :)

Because of my experiences with the student's at Austin High I have talked to Tristan about how as we are raising our own family I desperately want to be family for students who don't know real "family". I am not sure how we will do that or what it will look like but it's on my heart. I have often wondered why God has blessed me(and Tristan) SOOOO much and given me an amazing childhood and so much wonderful family. I knew God had a purpose for it, I just wasn't quite sure what it was for, but I feel like it's becoming more clear. It reminds me of the Enter the Worship circle song(and it's also a scripture) that talks about how God places the lonely in families(The song is called It's My Joy, if you want to look it up). It's a lovely song. One of my favorites. I am also reminded of Luke 12:48, to whom much is given, much will be required(Melissa's paraphrase). So, based on my life I would say it's not an overstatement to say...MUCH is required. And Tristan and I are ready to learn more about what that means for our family. What is it you desire from us Lord? We are ready(well at least we think we are!), just show us the way!

The past year, in a nutshell.

Since my last post we moved to Austin, Tristan started grad school at UT, I got a job working as a nurse at Austin High, we found an amazing corporate church family and small group, Tristan got a job with Price Waterhouse Coopers, I had 2 grapefruit size tumors on my ovaries removed, we traveled to Germany(and had many other adventures on the road together and with dear friends and family), Tristan worked for the Texas Legislature, and I got pregnant. It's been a whirlwind year. It's been amazing but also really hard. Adjusting to a new city, new jobs, making new friends, and so much more...all wonderful changes but none that come without trial, error, failure, and God's refining hand. We are thankful. We are different. We are weathered. We are tired. We are joyful. We are HIS!

My brother and my sister(his wife)

So for those of you who don't know my brother has been one of my best friends since he was about 12. Then, he married my other best friend Bethany.  Together they make the coolest, funniest, most loving and creative couple I know.  

They started a blog recently and I am loving following their adventures already. Since B and JR(I am trying to adjust to calling him that more....it's so hard) are 6 hours(soon to be 3 and a half) away it makes my heart swell to get a bit more of a glimpse into their lives and to feel like I am more apart of it.  

Their most recent post is my favorite yet.  It's about food and good friends. Can there be a better combination?  Wether it's crazy healthy or detailed and cultural....I love food and mixed with a long evening with friends in the kitchen.....mmm....bliss! 

 Thank you Bethany and John Ryan for sharing!  Love you both SOOO much.  Have fun in France!

You can check out B and JR's Blog: HERE

Quiz Yourself and Green Smoothies

I found this quiz on the internet today. It's a nutrition quiz from Green Smoothie Girl. Mosey on over there and check it out. Things like that are always good reality checks.

So my dear friend Christine mentioned something to me about Green Smoothies today and it made me want to share my favorite Green Smoothie video with you guys.  Basically, a green smoothie is fruit and greens(spinach, etc) mixed up in a blender.  You can add, chia seeds, almond milk(or any other milk you like), flax oil, bran, wheat germ, hemp protein, ice...you get the picture. The sky is the limit! 

I like to do tons of spinach,  an orange(or sometimes OJ concentrate), almond or soy milk, hemp protein, flax oil, ice,  maybe pineapple, and a  frozen banana.  

The video below is what got me started on Green Smoothies months ago.  This video also gave me a good laugh...you will know why when you watch it.

I know adding spinach to a fruit smoothie may sound disgusting but actually you can't taste the spinach at all. Apparently the spinach just take on the flavors of the other ingredients.  Just try it once.  You'll be surprised!

What in the world is a raw vegan?

So growing up my mom was always making amazing creative meals.  Sometimes she used recipes and sometimes amazing ideas just came out of her head when I would look in the pantry, fridge and freezer and spouted off what we had available to use.  Most of the time the meals were really healthy and delicious and sometimes they were just delicious. From a young age I remember being in the kitchen with my mom and I remember her letting me try things myself.  It was(is) always easy to ask her questions, and easy to take instruction from her. She never(that I remember) got frustrated with me and she was always so calm. When I would ask her how she wanted something cut she was never to picky and things never had to be prefect.  Unless necessary she never had a certain way that I had to do something and unless I asked she would let me figure out how to do it.  The way she was in the kitchen made me feel so free to experiment myself.  I would always make up my own recipes which usually turned out ok if I was cooking.  But with baking, that is another story!  I will never forget the rock hard bran "things" I made once in our kitchen on St. Andrews.  I don't remember how young I was but I imagine 9-12years ish!  My mom even tried them...how sweet.  I don't remember her saying they were horrible or that they were great.  I think she may have just told me it was a great try and then gave me some tips for next time.  I feel that was the perfect response!  

One day our family received a used Vita Mix(it's a REALLY expensive blender) from some friends and that kicked up our healthy eating up a notch.  My mom and I would experiment making healthy smoothies with barley green, blend up whole grains to make our own flour or we would lightly heat up veggies and blend them to a pulp like a thick soup(and take it to our algebra class we took together where everyone would gross out).  My mom was always making crazy healthy recipes.  I didn't always love it, but I grew to love it and to this day I can honestly say I am a health food hippy nut because of my mom.

 To this day I LOVE experimenting in the kitchen.  I love all kinds of food and I have loved "coming into my own" in the kitchen.  Over the past 3 months though I have tried my hand at vegan cooking and raw vegan un-cooking, and I am hooked! Most people are familiar with veganism(no meat or animal bi-products...dairy, eggs, honey), but not many people are familiar with raw veganism.  4 months ago I had no idea this whole other culinary world existed.  I think I had heard of it before when my mom and I went to hear this guy(my mom will remember his name) speak at Windsor Park Baptist Church about how he ate mostly raw fruits and vegetables and it helped him with his battle with cancer. He wasn't very creative with it from what I remember so I wasn't too excited.  Salad's all the time? I love salads but... No Way!  But come to find out there are all kinds of raw food recipes out there on the web.  It's AMAZING. Raw vegan sushi, chocolate mouse, flax crackers, green smoothies,  and sour cream are just a tip of the ice burg.   

From here on out a lot of my posts will be sprinkled with raw vegan recipes because I really need an outlet for how excited I get about this.  You can ask Tristan; I watch a few raw vegan videos on-line and you would think I was on speed!   I have been praying for at least the past year for the Lord to show me my strengths and passions and this is one of them.  I LOVE learning about crazy health stuff, integrating it into my life and then helping others to integrate it into theirs.  I remember as a 12 year old girl reading 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 and the Lord speaking to me that my body is His temple and that I should honor my body even with my health.   

Now, for my finds for the day.  

This summer Tristan and I find ourselves traveling a lot(esp. back and forth from Brownwood to Austin) so the video below peaked my interest.  It's a video on how to eat raw while traveling.  She gives a lot of good tips that will help anyone trying to eat healthy while on the road.  

Enjoy!

How to Easily Eat Raw while Traveling